Thursday, December 31, 2009

Things That Could Have Happened This Year

John McCainImage via Wikipedia
Dear Readers,

  Since 2009 comes to an end for you tonight (really, I think it ought to be 2008 and there should have been a year zero, but it's your number system, not mine), I thought I would do a year in review from an Anachronist's perspective.

  For an Anachronist, it's not always so interesting what happened as what might have.  And so, here's what could have happened in the past year:

January: President John McCain takes the oath of office, which Chief Justice John Roberts screws up anyway.  Somehow, Vice President Sarah Palin steals the show for all 500 attendees.

February: President John McCain mysteriously dies in a helicopter oil drilling hunting expedition, and President Palin is sworn in.  Russia promptly deploys missiles in Kaliningrad.  Vladimir Putin paints shirtless portraits of himself on the largest missiles.

March: France withdraws from NATO.  Youth march through the streets in celebration, setting fire to cars and tossing hammers and sickles through windows.

April: Russia invades Ukraine.  In the ensuing nuclear exchange, all world capitals and most of the nuclear/military infrastructure is destroyed.  Due to an efficacious antimissile defense system, most US cities (with the exception of Washington DC), are spared.

May: The collapse of the global economy is accelerated by the fragmentation of the United States as well as the population collapse caused by the war.  World leaders are no longer available for comment.

June: Steve Jobs, from an undisclosed location in Apple's Rocky Mountain bunkers, announces the release of several new products, including a hand-crank powered iPhone.  3G coverage is spotty, no matter what you have a map for.

July: With their new stadium now the capital of a breakaway republic, the Mets play their best season in history, which mostly consists of repelling other "nations" from the stadium gates.

August: Speculators finally give up on their attempts to sell vast quantities of gold in the postgovernmental economy, since most people are far more interested in practical goods like food and antibiotics.

September: Still no sign of Swine Flu.  It was wiped out during the nuclear exchange in April.  There is no talk of a vaccine.

October: The first images of Washington DC are found on what remains of the Internet.  President Palin is in none of them.  With the falling housing market, the Fourth Estate is sold for a tenth of its original value.

November: The coming of Thanksgiving results in a cessation of hostilities in the former United States, though problems arise as arguments over who would have won the customary football game boil over into skirmishes.

December: With no remaining global infrastructure, the survivors find themselves overjoyed that global warming has continued.

So, I think we can all safely say that things went better for your time stream than could have been expected.  Happy New Year!

  Always,

  Dr. John Skylar
  Chairman
  Department of Anachronism
  University of Constantinople
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Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The Good Old Days: When I was a Graduate Student

Lower Central Park at 1:00 p.m. Photographer's... A favorite part of my hometown; Image via Wikipedia
Dear Readers,

   In hopes that I can give you a more personal view of my life, I thought I would write a little bit about how I came to be associated with the University of Constantinople.

   It was, for you, not too long ago that a younger, time-normal version of me moved to New York City to embark on a grand quest to become a famous scientist and save the world from great terrors.  At least, at the time I thought that was what I would do.  On the side, however, I made a litle money writing speculative fiction stories.  Sometimes when I go back to them I laugh.  The truth has ended up being so much stranger than any fiction I managed.

   At about the time that my career began to pick up, I received a most peculiar email.  It appeared to be from, well, me.  It puzzled me how someone could impersonate me with such accuracy, and over a period of time I convinced myself that I would indeed become a professor at a university one day.  Of course i assumed that this was all some elaborate prank or terrible hallucination, at first, but in the end I discovered it was all real.  Perhaps I will tell the full story another time.

  Dr. Skylar--me!--informed me that there would be many paths that I could go down, and many of them would lead to the University of Constantinople, but there would be many challenges as well and some versions of me would not answer the call.  He--I--felt assured, of course, that at least one of me would make the choice to join the University.  After all, we both knew he would never exist t contact me if it did not happen somewhere.

   The first step I had to follow was to go through the full undergraduate distance courses.  I continued to write speculative stories, but this time, my academic papers would sometimes substitute for a story here and there.  In many cases, this work seemed more outlandish and original than what I came up with on my own.  As I progressed, I began to gather a group of other writers who eventually became known as the Speculative Collective, a named devised by the multitalented Edward Joel Anderson.

   The Speculative Collective gave me a unique cover for my studies with the University.  As the years progressed, the most bizarre activities could be covered in the name of speculative fiction.  It was a great deal of fun, really!  And it set the stage for my future academic writings.

   Later on, I had to select a graduate adviser and a thesis topic.  Not being the narcissistic type, and concerned about spacetime's integrity (though later-me told me not to worry), I picked George Sphrantzes as my advisor and began to study the collapse of Empires and the dark ages that followed.  These became the topics of both my thesis and of several written projects.  My interest in these topics continues in my life at the University, and it has become (or really, has always been), a major focus on our department's research.

   Eventually, the time came for me to actually come to the University itself.  This is a complicated process that I will explain in detail some other time, as this post is more about my story than the complicated science involved in transmission of personality to outside time.

  Always,

  Dr. John Skylar
  Chairman
  Department of Anachronism
  University of Constantinople


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Sunday, December 27, 2009

Sunday Seminar Series: What's the Point?

Degree ceremony at the University of Oxford. T... Part of our Identity; Image via Wikipedia
Dear Readers,

  This is another installment in my Sunday Seminar Series, wherein I distill lectures from my introductory class, CHRN/AUG 100, for general consumption by distance students.

  You've had a bit of a break from this over the past few weeks, but I'm sure my best students have kept up with their reading and have minds eager to be pried open and molded.  I've always found that concept strangely aggressive, but I'll run with it.

   Today I want to talk to you about the whole point of the University of Constantinople.  It may seem all well and good to you that we advocate a sort of hybrid pragmatic-postmodern view to analysis of augury data, and that we collate and collect information and cultural anthropology across a variety of different time streams.  It seems well and good enough to me, at least.  Still, it's not all that we're here for.  This seminar will explain in a cursory overview what the next few will explore in more detail.

   First, the facts: We are a university outside of normal time, created by a freak accident.  We can obtain a variety of information from other time streams, and daily (well, at least, something like daily) our capabilities improve.  We can, to some degree, return matter to normal time, though this is a tremendously expensive procedure.  We can as well create copies of any individual who ever lived anywhere, though that is also quite expensive and it requires something of a special art so that you do not get the wrong sort of person.

Friday, December 25, 2009

The Short Course on Yesterday's Post: The Message of a Chabad Christmas

The modern portrayal of Santa Claus frequently...Image via Wikipedia
Dear Readers,

  I thought today I'd give a little analysis on yesterday's post about Mendel Claus, my name for the figure suggested in that narrative.  There are some physical and metaphysical ideas there that raise an eyebrow for me, especially considering my affiliation to the University.

  I chanced upon the story while I looked through some old reporters' notes, from a famous New York Times writer.  At least, famous in his time stream.  In yours, I think he had a rather successful film career instead, 80% of it just by showing up.

   The idea that the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Menachem Mendel Schneerson, somehow found a kabbalistic path to immortality is not an unusual thought to find throughout the various time streams.  Usually, however, it is an idea put forward by his followers after his death and its veracity is dubious at best.

  On the other hand, the idea that he ascended mortal affairs to become a somewhat discorporated realization of the Santa Claus construct is unique to the one source I used to build the narrative.  It relies on a few simple principles in common between Rabbi Schneerson's way of life and the principles of the holiday you're privileged to celebrate.

  Mechanically, the part that interests me the most is the concept of kfitzat haderech.  One steps through one material object, and comes out in another.  We have several professors, including the Genius of Vilna, Elijah ben Shlomo Zalman, working on this technology for the University.  The very mode of travel shows that the important part is not what or where, but how.  It is the manner of thinking.  It is, in the parlance of Christmas, the thought that counts.

  Metaphysically, the key idea is that this man, this Rabbi who spent his life in an attempt to bring the Jews closer together, as well as to commit random acts of kindness to all people, would spend his "afterlife" as a man who tries to bring the whole world together.  Santa Claus is, at his core, the manifestation of the rabbinic ideal, an unshaven man in snazzy clothes who does his best to make sure everyone, everywhere gets the things their hearts desire without embarrassment.  It is the pinnacle of the idea of kindness throughout Judeo-Christian theology: that the recipient feel only the gift, and not the obligation to the giver.

  With only once source, I am not sure how much of it to believe.  But every story about a cheerful Santa Claus is one that I want to be true.  The idea that such a selfless person could be out there, could have transcended time and space to become an avatar of generosity, is an idea that warms my heart.

  Merry Christmas (Always),

   Dr. John Skylar
   Chairman
   Department of Anachronism
   University of Constantinople

 
 
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Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas Story: Mendel Claus

Education and Sharing DayImage via Wikipedia
Dear Readers,

  This one is for the holiday, but I assure you that the events within are true for the time stream of origin.  Like yesterday's, it's not too far from your own time stream.

   The notion of some kind of "Jewish Conspiracy" is something you hear a lot about.  Thankfully, in your time stream, these are mostly jokes and not actual paranoia.  In the time stream that I'm featuring today, however, there is a global cabal of sorts, organized of specific Jews.

  Its aim is to repair the world.  And it does it in a most interesting way.

  Always,

  Dr. John Skylar
  Chairman
  Department of Anachronism
  University of Constantinople

Two boys outside laughed and yelled, "Man, I don't even know what we did last night!"


Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Why I Live at the Tim Hortons

Tim Hortons restaurant. Calgary, Alberta, Canada.Image via Wikipedia
Dear Readers,

  Today's post is titled as it is out of a nod to Eudora Welty's famous story "Why I Live at the P.O.," but it is of a very different nature.  I hated the story, but the title stuck with me.

  Sometimes, there are time stream variations that you would never notice.  Ones that live just beneath the surface, in the dark caves of your contemporaries' personal lives and there is little you can do to figure out quite which possibility you live in.

  One such possibility is treated in today's post.  Specifically, as regards Canadians and their odd obsession with Tim Hortons.  You know TH as a coffee shop with curiously delicious maple donuts.  It is a cornerstone of the Canadian economy.  However, in some time streams, TH is a much more bizarre prospect, as you'll come to learn in today's story.  Don't worry; it's not actually an episode from your time stream.  I'm pretty sure, at least.

Always,

Dr. John Skylar
Chairman
Department of Anachronism
University of Constantinople

I stood in the cold with bated, visible breath.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Sunday Seminar Series: Truth and Belief, Part II

Photo of the comet Hale-Bopp above a tree. Thi... Comet, or Dragon? Image via Wikipedi
Dear Readers,

  After the problems that occured with my "Great Expectations" Friday Seminar, I discovered that the response improved when I posted my seminars to time-normal Sundays rather than Fridays, and I've changed the schedule accordingly.

  If you are just joining us, my Sunday Seminars are a series of posts adapted from material for my first-year undergraduate Anachronism students, CHRN/AUG 100.  Last week we talked about different kinds of information, and I defined some terms for you.  It would be useful to go back to that, but I intend to move on from there, so foreknowledge should not be entirely necessary.

   The important point that I want you to take home from these two seminars is that there are different sorts of conclusions you can make about "reality."

   Let me give you an example.  There is a medieval source, from your history, in which a bishop describes his experience of seeing a dragon.  Historians (as you know them) and Anachronists both are interested in this account for a variety of reasons.  However, even time-normal historians consider this source in two ways.

  The first is literally.  The source gives us an account of what a dragon was to a medieval person.  For this bishop, whatever he saw really was a dragon.  And thus we come to interpretations of truth.  Pragmatist philosophy suggests that if an interpretive worldview is useful to someone, then it is true for that person.  What is true, thus, is not necessarily the same for everyone.  Because of truth-bias from his or her original worldview, the Anachronist has to realign his or her mind to that of the source author.  That is, if the Anachronist seeks a literalist, source subjective impression of the information available.  Furthermore, it gets very interesting when you consider that there are time streams where the objective reality would agree with the subjective reality of a dragon.  Keep an open mind!

   Of course, what if we don't take the source literally?  What if we want to figure out what "really happened"?  Was the dragon a comet?  Ball lightning?  It can be a lot more difficult, because to some degree we just have to trust in our sources.  We can't see these time streams via Augury.  So we often have to look for clues in the sources words that tell us what the different possibilities.  The take home message should be that you can never know what "really" happened or will happen in a time stream.  You just know what could happen.  And that's what Anachronism is all about.

   There is another way, however.  There are the people at the University, who still have their memories from a time normal life, but the perspective of interaction with those who have different perspectives.  When in doubt, consult a colleague.  Often, there is someone here who can tell you what their subjective experience in a given related time stream was, and that can help inform you as to the possibilities for your time stream of study.

  In the end, all we can really say is what our sources believed the truth to be, not the "real" facts.

  And yet, this does not matter.  There are so many possibilities out there, and the mere inspiration from a source provides us with something meaningful.  If a source can imagine it, there is likely a time stream where it will occur.

  Always,

  Dr. John Skylar
  Chairman
  Department of Anachronism
  University of Constantinople

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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

A Day in the Life: Thanksgiving in Omentown, Part II

Freshly cut logs showing sap running from bene...Image via Wikipedia
Dear Readers,

  Last time, I started a story about Thanksgiving in a Maine town that I study.  Port End, which I like to call "Omentown" in my notes, is a place where the fields that give rise to augury are strong enough to actually affect the natural world.

  As a result, omens in that place are real, and they often come true.  The people who live there have adjusted accordingly.  We followed Omentown resident Ed while he saved his smaller friend Carl from a destitute man who attacked him.  Ed did it to prevent the realization of an omen he saw earlier in the day, but felt unsure if he really interpreted the omen in the right way.

  And now, the conclusion.  When we rejoin Ed, a day has passed, and we are at his family home for Thanksgiving.  Below the cut.

  Always,

  Dr. John Skylar
  Chairman
  Department of Anachronism
  University of Constantinople

Monday, November 30, 2009

Monday Muse: Omentown Ballad

This is the coast of Maine, somewhere around t...Image via Wikipedia
Dear Readers,

  My work lately focuses on Port End, Maine, a town that I talked about a little bit in my last "Day in the Life" post.  The end of that story will get posted in the middle of this week, but for today I wanted to relate something of a "country" song about this "Omentown."

  I think what is really important about this particular case in anachronism is that the omens in Port End arise from strange abnormalities in the same physical laws that give rise to Augury and my work here at the University.  If the laws exist, then there are time streams where they behave a little funny.  Omentown is from one of those time streams.

Always,

Dr. John Skylar
Chairman
Department of Anachronism
University of Constantinople

Wan'drin' out by the bay
With my back to the sea 
I saw Old Man Osprey
And he asked me to tea

Friday, November 27, 2009

Friday Seminar Series: Truth and Belief, Part I

Dear Readers,

  Every Friday I write a piece that represents a "seminar" in my introductory Anachronism class, CHRN/AUG 100, to give you an idea of what our department does at the University.  This we
President George W. Bush delivers a statement ...Image via Wikipedia
ek, I talk about the ideas of relative truth across different time streams, and how that affects both the episteme and techne of our work.

   Recently we've been working on the idea of different ways to connect the information obtained through Augury, but we haven't talked much about drawing conclusions.  The bottom line is this:  If you read a poem from Time Stream X, and that poem says that Anubis favored George W. Bush, which allowed him to win the War in Iraq, how much of that do you actually believe?  In that time stream, is there some prime arbiter named Anubis?  Did George W. Bush actually believe in him?  And was the War in Iraq won because of it?

  It can be quite challenging to separate the various reasons to believe something, and I do not believe that I can cover the entire topic in just one sitting.  There is a long history of philosophies of truth, many of which my colleague Professor Bacon is an expert on.  In our class, it is typically he who teaches this lecture, and I have to acknowledge Francis's help in writing this post.

  The best place to start is to look at the different sorts of information that one may obtain inside Augury data.  One I will call techne and the other episteme.  I am not using these words quite how your Ancient Greeks would have used them, however.

  When I look at a source, I think of the techne type of information to be day to day details about life in the time stream of origin.  As in, like the original definition of techne, I say this category contains the information on how one would go about the art of living and creating within the given time stream.  Until the recent attack on our University, I would have said that one could never really live in another time stream, but with the new technology we captured this may be possible.  At any rate, consider techne to be the kind of information that would help you write a tourist's guide to the time stream that you study.

  In the Anachronist's work, episteme refers to knowledge that a source expresses that betrays their physical and metaphysical understanding of their world.  Scientific texts, philosophical works, religious tomes, all of it is part of episteme, usually.  These pieces of information are vital to breathing life into a translation because they tell you the filter through which time stream contemps view their world.  Where the techne will give you the actual mechanical operations of a person, the epistemiological information tells you how they feel about it and what their worldview is; their inner struggle.  This is vital to writing an anachronistic narrative, just as technical information is vital to having a narrative to write.

  I will end here, since I wish to transition into this topic gracefully and none too quickly.  The story that I began this week will be concluded next week.  For those of you in this time stream who live in the United States, I hope you had a happy Thanksgiving and I hope to communicate with you again in the coming week.

  Always,

  Dr. John Skylar
  Chairman
  Department of Anachronism
  University of Constantinople
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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

A Day in the Life: Thanksgiving in Omentown, Part I

Dear Readers,

   This is another one of my "Day in the Life" posts, where I take a slice of life in one of the time
A sugar house where sap is boiled down to mapl...Image via Wikipedia
streams I study and fictionalize it for your time stream.  The world is real, the events are not.  This one is a two-part story.

   For this time around, in light of the US Holiday of Thanksgiving being this week, I've decided to feature a Thanksgiving story set in a contemporary but divergent time stream.  This Day in the Life is set in Port End, Maine, which does not exist in your time stream.  I like to call it "Omentown."  You'll see why.

 Always,
 Dr. John Skylar
 Chairman
 Department of Anachronism
 University of Constantinople


Sunday, November 22, 2009

"Friday" Seminar: Great Expectations

Philippe de Champaigne (1602-1674): Still-Life...Image via Wikipedia
Dear Readers,

  I am sorry about the glitch that leads to this post's late release.  I place the blame squarely on bad software created by the Augury Department.  I do not think, as their Chairman does, that the graduate student responsible should be sent back to a time-normal existence, but I imagine that Provost Notaras will talk some sense into her.

  At any rate, it is now your Sunday, and we have managed to fix the problem, so here is the Seminar that I hoped to post on Friday.  It is, as per usual, drawn from my lecture materials for CHRN/AUG 100, my introductory Anachronism class here at the University.

  Today I want to talk to you about the idea of likely and unlikely events, and how we can use them to get at the "big idea" of my last few seminars.  That idea surrounds the various "tricks" that we as Anachronists must use to put together the raw text that we get from Augury.  Remember that because data comes from distinct choice paths, it can be nigh impossible to correlate two datasets and say that they come from the same time stream, or that one follows the other temporally.

  Unless you use these tricks.  Last time I talked about how to use linguistics.  This time I'm going to talk about probability.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

A Day in the Life: Naegling's Heroes

Looking northwest at Summerfield United Method...Image via Wikipedia
Dear Readers,

  Monday brought you the Song of Naegling, a poem which I am convinced was written by the weapon itself.  How this is possible I am not sure, though I can imagine there are a number of mundane technical explanations for the creation of an intelligent weapon.  While your time stream makes a certain effort to provide itself with scientific explanations of things, I will leave that to my colleagues on the other side of the quad, and just remain impressed with Naegling's autobiography.
 
  I find it interesting that I can find outside sources that confirm the weapon's existence.  For one, Naegling survives in your time stream's versions of Beowulf.  Personally, I recommend the Seamus Heaney translation of the ones that are available to you and your contemporaries.

  My own work intersects with Naegling when she/he/it finds James Strongman, a personality who has yet to appear in your consciousness, but will become quite important in one of the time streams that branch off from your current temporal position.  Strongman is a warleader for a troubled age, and one that I hope you do not have the opportunity to visit.  Below you may find one of Strongman's journal entries during his rise to power.  I caution you that Strongman was never one to avoid profanity.

Always,

Dr. John Skylar
Chairman
Department of Anachronism
University of Constantinople

Monday, November 16, 2009

Monday Muse: The Song of Naegling

:en:J. R. Skelton's illustration in the childr...Image via Wikipedia
Dear Readers,

I have exciting news to share.  Something came in from the Augury Department that spans such a long thread of history that I am stunned.  It is, apparently, an inscriptional squeeze.  For those unfamiliar, a squeeze is a type of impression made when you take specialized paper and press it up against a carved inscription, thenuse a "squeeze brush" to produce a copy of the inscription and inscribed surface.  It is a lot like when you take tracing paper and use the edge of a pencil to copy a texture underneath, however, this method is less rough on the original.

At any rate, this source comes from a squeeze made of what must be the most exciting weapon in history, a weapon that according to the poem, Hrothgar called Naegling.  However, the text, which I have worked nonstop to translate, seems to differ from your time stream's established account of Beowulf.  Furthermore, the weapon's records go far past the end of that story, and even into your future.

I thought it would make a most excellent pick for Monday Muse.  See it below the cut.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Friday Seminar: Genetic Linguistic Analysis

The Illustrated Sutra of Cause and Effect: 8th...Image via Wikipedia
Dear Readers,

Quite some time has passed since my last Friday Seminar, the series in which I adapt some of my CHRN/AUG 100 course materials for your time stream. So, forgive me if my post today is innappropriate in its complexity.

That said, today I want to tell you about a "back door" method to determine continuity between disparate augury datasets. If you recall, it is notoriously difficult to connect two datasets collected separately, because it is always hard to establish causality at the limits of quantum uncertainty.

Like I've said before, it takes rigorous standards to say two sources come from the same time stream. But there are easy ways to at least group time streams together based on common cultural features.

One such feature is language. Languages mutate based on a variety of factors, and so if you observe two sets of data that are in the same language, you can say with nearly one hundred per cent certainty that the two datasets are either contemporaneous OR they share a common "ancestor" time stream. In fact, since all you need to know for this sort of analysis is how similar the languages are in their written form, you may not even need to know the language. It can be very useful for an Anachronist whose specialty time stream has a language that is not well understood.

This sort of analysis has more advanced forms, too, and they are quite similar to how your contemporary scientists do evolutionary genetics. These scientists can take two different species and compare their DNA to determine their probable common ancestor. That is, the extinct species from which they both evolved.
Darwin's tree sketch tattooImage by Colin Purrington via Flickr

Languages are not so different from DNA. DNA tells cells how to make components for their life machinery. Language contains rules and components to give rise to communication machinery. And languages also mutate.

So if we have two languages with similarities, we can analyze and compare their differences to figure out a rough timeline for their divergence. This is timeline only in terms of probabilities, but it is better than nothing. Though we often find these language ancestry trees are inaccurate when we finally decipher the words, many working conclusions based on this analysis remain valid.

While it's a crude tool, it's very useful. I will try and expand more on this complicated topic in a future Seminar.

Always,

Dr. John Skylar
Chairman
Department of Anachronism
University of Constantinople
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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Back in Business

Eagle and Snake, 6th century mosaic flooring  ...Image via Wikipedia
Dear Readers,

  Today marks my triumphant return to your time stream.  I've spent quite some time hogging the Departmental bandwidth with manuscripts that I hope to publish time-normal to you, and now I am back to writing here.

  For the next two weeks, I may not return to my daily schedule as I still have some communications to make, and there is a backlog of transmissions work that my graduate students wish to send out.  Eventually, you will see my posts ramp up as we work through that delay.

  Always,

  Dr. John Skylar
  Chairman
  Department of Anachronism
  University of Constantinople
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Tuesday, October 6, 2009

New Schedule Going Forward

Dear Readers,

  The technology left behind after the attack has created an exciting new possibility for
The 1453 Siege of Constantinople (painted 1499).Image via Wikipedia
our department: I may now be able to publish some of my work in the time streams where I write, yours included.

  My schedule posting has slowed of late, in light of this.  I'm preparing a few different pieces, translated works, for publication in respected journals in my audience time streams.  I will keep you appraised of how that progresses.

  However, it means that a good deal of my attention and bandwidth share will be directed towards those efforts, and so it will be harder to keep to a once-daily schedule for at least the forseeable future.

  To be perfectly clear, the issue is entirely one of bandwidth.  Only a certain amount of information can be injected into a given period in a given time stream, no matter when that information departs its origin time stream.  Therefore, we must be parsimonious, and I must limit my influx of information for the time being.  Don't worry, you will still hear from me, but perhaps not seven days of your week.

  Always,

  Dr. John Skylar
  Chairman
  Department of Anachronism
  University of Constantinople



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Sunday, October 4, 2009

After the Attack

Dear Readers,

  Most of the University's functionality is back online.  My injuries, while they started to he
Maimonides (pictured) narrowly escaped death d...Image via Wikipedia
al on their own, are now fully repaired thanks to Maimonides, our medical director.

  The Augury facility is now secured.  The demons seem to have come through a hole, of sorts, that they opened by causing feedback in one of our Augury machines.  They brought the device that made this possible through their portal, so that they might return after their raid.

  It seems this worked against them.  They stole a number of our artifacts and equipment, though we believe there is a pattern.  We need to learn a lot more about their time stream, and my department will be delployed in that effort.  There is a lot to catch up on.

  We estimate that there were originally forty of them, and it is likely that we killed roughly ten of that number.  Five of them we captured, and four of those committed suicide before we could stop them.  The last has yet to regain consciousness, but we are hopeful.  While it is difficult to heal a creature without a strong idea of its biology, our medical staff is up to the task.

  About a hundred of our people fell in the battle, and two hundred more were injured.  Still, those problems are easy to correct, and we're picking up the pieces.

  The artifacts they stole suggest certain problems in their time stream.  Perhaps we can find a way to help them.  If not, they have already helped us in a great way.  The device they left behind should allow us to visit certain candidate time streams and explore.  I'm very excited.

  Always,

  Dr. John Skylar
  Chairman
  Department of Anachronism
  University of Constantinople

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Attack Repulsed!

Dear Readers,

  We've driven back the monsters that attacked our University, for the most part.  Some remain, but they will be captured.

  Also, we discovered something interesting.  They left behind the machine that helped them get here.  That is something we did not have before.  More information when I have more connectivity.

  Always,

  Dr. John Skylar
  Chairman
  Department of Anachronism
  University of Constantinople

Friday, October 2, 2009

Field Update

Dear Readers,

  My connections are still down to most of your time-normal services.  We ran into an Augury graduate student in the tunnels recently, and it seems that the creatures are mostly pushed back from their facility.  Still, it is disputed territory.

  I can tell you something more of the things that attacked us.  They are winged creatures, with deadly weapons and fierce intelligence.  They do not look horrible or deformed.  In fact, they are quite pleasing, and hence I referred to them as "angels" on Twitter earlier.  Their bodies are less fragile than the humans you are used to, and so a small group of them has managed to keep Constantine XI's men at bay for some time.

  We are not sure what they want.  They've stolen food, weapons, medical supplies, and fuel, and our information sources do not know why.  We doubt at this point that it is total eradication of the University.  This appears to be more of a raid.  More chilling is the prospect that they may be after some of our rare artifacts.

  I am still injured, but slowly healing.  The other day Amelia found some weapons, and she has led the able-bodied professors in several skirmishes against the invaders.  They seem to pull back and regroup away from the tunnels at signs of aggression.  We hope that soon our forces on the surface will push them back from whence they came.  I find this entire episode chilling on the whole.

Always,

Dr. John Skylar
Chairman
Department of Anachronism
University of Constantinople

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Sudden Happenings

Dear Readers,

  I write this from a mossy access tunnel underneath the department's normal facilities.  It is damp, dripping, and I do not like to be here.

  Something happened at the University over the past, let's call it days.  For you it seemed like that, at least.

  I was injured in the initial fighting.  I can't quite say what they are yet, partly from reluctance, partly from my own lack of answers.  I need to know more.  For now, all I can say is that they are something akin to demons.  Or perhaps angels.  They are creatures, and they do not mean well towards me.

  It is a shame that you must find out like this, instead of in the seminar that I planned for your last Friday, but it remains that the practice of Augury combined with our unique location attracts some attention.  Very rarely this can lead to an invasion.

  President (Emperor) Constantine XI advised us to leave our offices within minutes of the attack.  I lost my connection, but Sphrantzes and Bacon managed to get it back up so that I could make intermittent posts.  It seems that the Augury Department has some kind of backup, or else this would not see the light of day.

  I do not wish to worry you.  I am injured, and in a way that I am not sure I would recover from if I were to die, namely because the instruments of my resurrection may be in enemy hands.  The University will repel the attackers to the best of its ability, but failure is sadly an option.  With my trusted faculty around me, I am safe for now.  I can make no promises about the future.

  Always,

  Dr. John Skylar
  General nee Chairman
  Department of Anachronism
  University of Constantinople

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Primary Source: Inquisition Procedures

Dear Readers,

  As a follow-up to yesterday, I provide the primary source that fleshed out the "other side" to Tuesday's Day in the Life story.

Galileo facing the Roman Inquisition, painting...Image via Wikipedia

  Below you will find a translation of the Inquisition proceedures used against a man born in the wrong time.  Note that these are not the actual records of the trial itself; as you can see from the instruction manual below, no such transcript is necessary.

  Always,

   Dr. John Skylar
   Chairman
   Department of Anachronism
   University of Constantinople

Human Factor! You have been selected to assist in the Inquisition Proceedings against Heretic FELIXIS from your Union.

This document will explain your role in the trial.  It is important to remember to follow its instructions always, or the trial will not function as the Inqusition decreed.  You do not want that, of course! :)

The first part of the trial is where we decide that the heretic will not testify on his or her own behalf.  During this portion of the trial, you will lead the heretic into the Inquisition chamber when the Inquisitor says, "You may enter, Prime Factor."  This will occur after the Inquisitor reviews the available evidence.

Then, the Inquisitor will say, "The evidence shows this accused is a heretic.  It is possible that he may argue he is not, and that the truth in his eyes will convince me.  This is unlikely.  However, I shall ask.  Heretic, would you like to testify?  Please whisper your answer to the Prime Factor."

The heretic will now whisper his or her answer to you.  It does not matter what he or she says, you are to answer, "The heretic elects not to testify."  This is in the heretic's best interests; if the heretic were to testify, the Inquisitor's blessed eyes would see through his or her false words with ease, and the punishment would be worse.

The Inquisitor will then say, "Heretic, as you do not wish to testify, I must declare you guilty.  Now we will allow you to lessen your sentence by acting as a witness against other heretics.  I will read the names of everyone in your Union.  If I see you react to a name, we will question that person and determine if they are also a heretic.  You will be rewarded if you reveal another heretic in this way; instead of Total, Reversible Mind Ablation, you will be sentenced to mind ablation with REM and dreaming.  Lucid dreaming may become available during a parole hearing.  Do you understand?"

If, at this point, the heretic does not nod, tell him or her to do so.  If they do not respond, make them nod using your Factor's Prod.

Then the Inquisitor will read the names.  If the heretic reacts, then the sentence will be revised.  Otherwise, the Inquisitor will commute the statute sentence of death to Total, Reversible Mind Ablation, in accordance with the requirement of Inquisitorial Mercy.

At this time, lead the heretic to prisoner processing and return to your station to process the next heretic.  You've done a great job, Prime Factor!
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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Primary Source: The Notebook of a Troubled Man

Dear Readers,

  Yesterday's Day in the Life followed the sad story of a thinker among contemporaries who believed his work to be heresy against their beliefs.

  Today, I provide you with translations of his notebook, which helped to inspire the narr
Incandescent light bulbImage via Wikipedia
ative that I wrote for you.  Of course, his notebook will be an intelligent machine in the time stream where it will exist, and so this is one of my most challenging translation projects to date!  To translate from the thoughts of a machine into the words of a human means to make the jump between the social psych of two entirely different forms of life.  Several of the formatting contrivances are meant to communicate the feeling that this is a communication between machines and preserve the experience that I had when I read the original, but they are somewhat far from what this source actually looks like.


  So below, see Notebook's take on the whole thing.  The diligent servant communicated its master's work to its superiors the moment he was arrested.

  Always,

  Dr. John Skylar
  Chairman
  Department of Anachronism
  University of Constantinople


----MESSAGE HEADER----
FROM: FELIXISNOTEBOOK
TO: CENTRALMIND
DATE: ________
SUBJECT: [Resistance] It Has Happened
----MESSAGE----


Centralmind!  There is bad news in this message, but it is news that we expected.  The Inquisition came for Felixis today.  He had nearly finished his Listener Engine, and without any prodding or redesign from me.  A vacuum tube light bulb blew and cut off the circuit, but he was about to work it out of the design when they took him.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

A Day in the Life: Renaissance Men for All Ages

Dear Readers,

  Every Tuesday I write a post titled "A Day in the Life," where I write a short narrative, based on primary sources, that gives you a taste of what it might feel like to live in one of the time streams we study.

  Today, I tell the story of a curious and inquisitive man living in a time stream where the prevailing culture is quite the opposite.  While his work is noticed, no good comes of that.  This story is a preview of some primary sources that will post later in the week.  Below, see how trouble comes from an aging renaissance man.  A man after my own heart.
The 'Glasses Apostle' in the altarpiece of the...Image via Wikipedia


  Always,

   Dr. John Skylar
   Chairman
   Department of Anachronism
   University of Constantinople

Glass, charred from the inside.  Felixis turned the bulb in his hand and still could not believe it. 

Moments before this little glass bulb served as a small component in his new Listener Engine, and then he heard a pop and the whole machine stopped working.

He frowned and muttered, “You were only supposed to light up.  You’re not important to the machine, just to show me when she would work.  Why is she broken without you?”

Felixis patted the little glass bulb like a pet, and furnished it with a tender smile, “We’ll get you fixed, don’t worry.  Everything will be okay.”

He placed the bulb, with a gentle touch, onto the felt mat on his workbench.  He almost giggled each time he thought of that bench.  No one Felixis knew owned anything like it, and he knew no Box Store where he could find one, either.  He made the bench, himself.  Felixis’s friends acted impressed, but he knew it scared them.  It scared him a little, too.  The magistrates and Factors always told him how dangerous it could be to make things, both for his body and for his soul.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Monday Muse: Lunar Cabaret Songs

Dear Readers,

  In keeping with Twitter's Music Monday, I've decided to make my posts on your Mondays themed towards music and poetry.

  Below, find a lunar cabaret tune from an age of solar system colonization in one of my favorite time streams.  It's a bit crude, but that's the nature of the cabaret song genre.  There are clues about the lunar society in the song; feel free to speculate on what they mean!  I'll keep a close eye on the comments.  Well, really, I'll know what you might post before you post it.  But I like to see you say it.
Earth and Moon taken from 50 million kilometer...Image via Wikipedia


  Always,

   Dr. John Skylar
   Chairman
   Department of Anachronism
   University of Constantinople

Audience/chorus responses are marked with a hyphen.  The rest is the singer.

In our home on the Moon
the World's always in tune
And we call it Luna Bella

-Hey, *we* don't.

Well now don't start a fight
On our home sattelite
'cause we all breathe the air here

-Which stinks!

Still there's no place like this
It's a tin can of bliss
Where the girls are all stir crazy

-Let's stir!
-Only if I can lick the spoon!

Go ahead and go wild
See they can't get with child
In this hellhole's low gravity

-But they sure can moon bounce!

So we'll stay up here
Watch Earth, have a beer!
In this sideshow to doomsday!
This party, themed grey!
The moon, the moon, our priso-

-Our HOME!
-Hear, hear!
-There, there.

Now go buy another round!

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Sunday, September 20, 2009

Weekend Worlds: Directions to Earth, Part II

Dear Readers,

  Yesterday I began to tell the story of mankind's return to Earth, far in the future, in a time stream where the planet will be lost from humanity's records.  We left the major players when they discovered a major peril, a fail-deadly system left on and ready to annihilate them.
S103-E-5037 (21 December 1999)--- Astronauts a...Image via Wikipedia


  Today, the conclusion.

  Always,

   Dr. John Skylar
   Chairman
   Department of Anachronism
   University of Constantinople

"You know what this means, right?" Not everyone possessed Jan's historical expertise.

Mick shook his head.

"If the signal is reliable, it means that an old nuclear arsenal thinks it is under attack.  From us."

His lips formed a line, then broke, "And what does it plan to do about us?"

"As far as I know, launch itself.  I'll need to talk to the ship historian.  I estimate we have thirty to forty-five minutes to solve this one, or the search for Earth becomes humanity's most expensive barbecue."

Mick did not blink, "Can you be sure of that estimate?"

Jan shook her head, "No, of course not.  We might have ten minutes.  I'm optimistic.  Get me the damn ship."

He re-tuned his handheld to connect with the ship.

She heard a click through the earbud, then, "This is the Captain.  Advance party, are you trying to raise us?"

"Yes sir," Jan answered, "We've encountered something of a problem."

"And that is..."

"Sir, it's...Well, why not listen for yourself."  She nodded to Mick.

He tapped away at the screen and transmitted the message recording to their vessel.

After it played out, the Captain spoke again, "I can see where that would be a problem.  Regulations would say, on any other world, we get back into the atmosphere and head out.  Your recommendation, Lieutenant?"

"I don't know, sir.  I wanted to talk with the ship's Historian.  There might be a way to shut this thing down.  We might have time."  Jan rubbed her forehead.  She saw no

"All right, I'll have a chat with Rich, then."

They listened over the line while he engaged the in-ship communications system.  They heard only the Captain's half of the conversation.

"Rich?  Yeah, it's Captain Vine.

"Yes, well, I'm fine, thank you for asking, but we have a bit of a problem here, it's-

"I was getting to that.  There's this message, I've transmitted it to your console."

They waited while the ship's historian listened to the tape himself.

"Rich, where do you get off telling me to stop worrying-

"Oh, it's a film.  I see.  And they have such a device in it?

"Well, what do they do in the film, then?

"That's not really an option.  Rich, can we get realistic here?

"Hmm.  All right.  Thirty minutes, you think?  I'll work out some plans."

They heard a click while the Captain closed the line.

"All right, Jan, here's how it is.  Looks like this thing is real and the missiles probably still work.  We've got thirty minutes until they launch.  That means 25 minutes to come up with a solution.  Get back to the ship and to my pod immediately.  Don't tell anyone else about this."

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Weekend Worlds: Directions to Earth, Part I

Dear Readers,

  For your weekends, I like to provide you with a long, luxuriant story that examines life in a time stream that my Department studies.  This series is called "Weekend Worlds," and all of its posts are two parts, the first on Saturday, the second on Sunday.

  This week's edition refers to a time stream where the Earth will be abandoned by humans at some point in the future.  The story specifically tells what we know about the day when they finally return to their erstwhile home, when they rediscover where it is located.

  Always,

   Dr. John Skylar
   Chairman
   Department of Anachronism
   University of Constantinople

   Elements of consciousness slammed back into Jan's mind like arrows into a target.  First, wakefulness.  Then sight--darkness--hearing--piercing alarm--touch--cold metal--smell--medical, sterile--taste--blood.

   Then her awareness came back.  She yelled it aloud, as if compelled by ancient instinct, "LIEUTENANT JAN OLSEN, SERIAL NUMBER 3-6-5-9-2-8-2-9."
S103-E-5037 (21 December 1999)--- Astronauts a...Image via Wikipedia


   Her voice dropped, "Posting: Navigator and Mission Specialist, United Human Vessel Le Sacre du Printemps."

  The ritualistic part of Jan's trained response over, the hatch that sealed her in slowly turned transparent, allowing her eyes to adjust after their time closed in protective stasis.  Now, she remembered who she was and her purpose in being here.  The taste of blood seemed like one of the things the doctors warned her about, but Jan could not remember.  She considered it might also be the result of a violent collision.  That would also have woken her up.

  She heard over the PA, "Navigator, status report!"

Friday, September 18, 2009

Friday Seminar Series: The Laws of Physics (or, "The End of Anachronism")

Dear Readers,

  As usual, on your Friday I post a short seminar that is taken from lectures from my introductory class, CHRN/AUG 100.  This edition covers limitations to my work.

   Specifically, I am talking about time streams that are impossible for me to study because of a variety of physical limitations.

  The realm of possibility is a big one.  Let's think back to physics classes for a minute: the universe, as your time stream has it, was created at a specific moment in a specific way.  That time is Time = Zero for the entire Universe.  From there, all physical choices happened using your kind of physics.

  Before Time = Zero, at, let's say, Time = Negative One, the laws of physics as you conceive them break down.  That is because the laws of physics as you conceive of them do not exist.  I cannot go into too much detail for fear of preempting the entire scientific community of your time stream, but suffice it to say that there is a sort of shuffling event of physical laws that occurs/occured/will occur in the infinitesimal time period just before Time = Zero.
Newton's dynamical equations.Image via Wikipedia

  It just so happens that the laws of physics that you are used to, and thereby the chemistry, astronomy, and biology you take for granted, came out of one such shuffling event.

   Ergo, if that reshuffle happened a little differently, the equations that sit to the left of this paragraph might have come up a lot differently.  Basic things about life, the universe, and everything would be off the charts in terms of their differences.  Life might not be possible, and certainly life would not be as you know it.

   That means there are a lot of time streams where we get an utterly nonsensical signal from the Department of Augury.  The time stream might have totally unreasonable physical laws, or it might be that any sentient life there has absolutely no means to to communicate that we are familiar with.  It's possible that their only means of communication are in a medium that augury cannot reveal.  There are a lot of different explanations for gibberish data, and you will encounter such gibberish data as an Anachronist.

  The reason for the seminar, however, is to convince you that it's not a good idea to just skip gibberish.  Yes, it is a good idea to work on the more understandable time streams and yes, you should have a career based on the perceptible.  But it's easy to just discard a bunch of data that does not make sense to you, and far less easy to explore that data from time to time in hopes you might see patterns and make a major breakthrough in translation.

  To sum up, what I say here is that there are limits to what our study can do.  We can't see everywhere and everywhen because there are some places that just look like nonsense.  I also say that it's important to avoid using nonsense as a catchall term that protects you from having to work too hard.  Just because something looks like nonsense to you does not mean it is nonsense indeed.  This is a vital lesson for the Anachronist who wishes his or her career to get off the ground.


Always,

  Dr. John Skylar
  Chairman
  Department of Anachronism
  University of Constantinople
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Thursday, September 17, 2009

Primary Source: A Letter to the Chief Regulator

Dear Readers,

  Yesterday's primary source, part of a  a police report, was in reference to the
Oil on canvas.Image via Wikipedia
narrative I wrote for Tuesday's Day in the Life story.  Today I provide a primary source that explains further what actually happened in that story.  This is written by the person who committed the crime in question, to explain to his superiors what happened.  Since this individual has some information that the police of that time stream did not, it is far more enlightening.

   Always,

   Dr. John Skylar
   Chairman
   Department of Anachronism
   University of Constantinople

To: the Chief Regulator, and any relevant members of the Regulatory Board
May 25th, 2006

  This is an official incident report in light of the events of May 17th of this year, to explain my actions.  As you know, I am an upstanding member of our community and in all of my actions I have strived to adhere to our operating agreement.  Please keep this in mind as you read my account.  In this case, circumstances forced me into some rash moves that might otherwise have required regulatory approval.  I hope that my explanation here will justify retroactive regulatory approval.

  On the evening of May 17th I arrived at Canter's Delicatessen in the interests of a continuing harvest operation.  The purpose of my visit was a date with one of my flock, which I expected might provide an easy harvest opportunity.  My last such opportunity presented itself at the end of April 2006, so you can understand that this was a meeting of great necessity for me.  The particular flock member was named Lisa Gruenberg-Lopez, a waitress at Canter's.  I met her at my nightclub in early May, and she seemed quite taken with me.  I obtained board approval to add her to my flock on May 8th, 2006.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Primary Source: Police Report

Dear Readers,

  To explain where I constructed yesterday's story, here is a primary source that supports the narrative.  It's a police report, describing the interesting circumstances of the crime.  You can see where the investigating officers did their best to try and understand just what happened.

  This sort of primary source is particularly interesting to translate, because of the "official document" element.  Tomorrow, I'll post another source that explains how I was able to fill in the blanks in the LAPD's report from that time stream.

  Now, of course, it would be somewhat irritating to wade through the actual pages-long police paperwork, so I've provided the relevant text with regards to the incident, and left out extraneous details.

  Always,

    Dr. John Skylar
    Chairman
    Department of Anachronism
    University of Constantinople


INCIDENT REPORT
REPORTING OFFICER: Lt. Thomas R. Cunningham, LAPD
The Los Angeles Police Department sealImage via Wikipedia


On May 17th, 2006 at 19:45 I and my partner responded to a shots fired 911 call at 8025 Oakwood Avenue, North Hollywood.  On our arrival, we found the home, currently owned by a real estate agency, unlocked, with two bodies, a male and a female inside.  Their descriptions: the woman was of medium build, about 5'5", ~130 lbs, with dark hair, light skin, and green eyes.  Likely of Caucasian/Hispanic descent.  The man, a Caucasian who appeared to be in middle age, had grey to greying hair, gold/hazel eyes, and looked to be 6'2" and ~200 lbs.

The female's body had noticeable evidence of biting/animal attack in the neck area, though we are waiting for the Coroner's Report to determine the precise cause of death.  While we saw similar wounds on the male, we also found a Smith and Wesson 6-shot longbarrel .38 police revolver on the body, as well as identified a cranial entry wound.

Identifying information was found on both bodies.  This identified the female as one Lisa Gruenberg-Lopez, waitress at the nearby Canter's Delicatessen.  The male's identification was for one Albert Stenson, though when we ran his license it appeared that this may be one of many aliases used by the liscensed Private Investigator Jonathan Wilfred Robertson.  According to this information, their ages were 20 and 57, respectively.


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A Day in the Life: Here There Be Monsters

Dear Readers,

  Tuesday brings you another Day in the Life, my name for a weekly piece that gives you a "slice of life" from one of the time streams that the Department studies.  It's a fictional short that I write, based on the primary sources from the given time stream I've chosen to feature.

  Today I decided to write about something a little different.  It's a time stream that is very, very similar to yours.  In fact, it might even be your time stream.  The truth of it is yours to decide.  The details, you'll see.  For my part, I don't judge the truth of a thing, but instead present it as it was believed.

Always,

Dr. John Skylar
Chairman
Department of Anachronism
University of Constantinople

LA never gave the 'foreboding city' feeling that Will expected.  Despite the hardboiled detective novels and that whole LA-noir 'confidential' culture, there just was nothing in an irrigated sunny desert paradise that made him shiver.

He looked out of the car to confirm he feelings.  Of course, he could find all kinds of seedy deals when he blew down Fairfax in his busted-up neo-Thunderbird, but it lacked the "Nighthawks" feel he hoped for when he moved out there from Bethlehem, PA.

"Puddles," Will's voice scratched out to no one in particular.  That's what it needed.  Rain, puddles, whatever.  A good flatfoot needed to tromp through the wind and wet and rain, not the breezy desert nights and orange-lit back lot palm trees.  Gumshoes should need to wear trenchcoats and hats just to keep dry, and their Italian leather shoes should make soggy slapping noises.  Instead, he felt surrounded by t-shirts, board shorts, under-armor and other superficial, modern crap.  LA felt like a bad place for a traditionalist.  "What a joke," he shook his head at the neighborhood.

Will came up near Canter's, but of course, could not see even a postage stamp of street parking.  He remembered the little lot nearby, though, and to his luck, found a space fast.  He locked the
Canter's Deli is one of the area's most notabl...Canter's, via Wikipedia
T-bird and straightened the rosary that hung off of its mirror.
Like usual, Will had to chuckle when he walked by the Kibbitz Room.  Nothing like an old Yiddish joke.  The new LA Jews lacked jokesters like the old, too.  He sighed.  Nothing here went deeper than ten years.  Even the land shook off its history like a bad case of fleas, with every earthquake.

He ducked into Canters' and took a dead-on look at an unfamiliar maitre'd.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Monday Muse: Tunnel Tunes

Dear Readers,


The Muses Clio, Euterpe and Thalia, by Eustach...Image via Wikipedia
  Monday is always a good day for music, like the fine people over on Twitter have figured out.  For my part in that fun, on Mondays I take a poetic or musical source from a time stream of my choice and publish it here for you.

  Now, of course, musical sources are really not my area of expertise, but they are incredibly valuable in how they connect an Anachronist with the culture he or she studies.  So, to some degree, Monday Muse is where you are on an even playing field with me as we discover some musical sources together.

  Unfortunately, augury data rarely, if ever, contains comprehensible audio.  We often need to find screenplays just to interpret the videos that we pull in, and this can be a tricky endeavor.  Therefore, music ends up almost exclusively as lyrics, and is in many ways difficult to distinguish from poetry.  The arbitrary nature of musical notation also complicates this; we can't be sure what conventions are relevant in a given time stream, so it becomes difficult to make conclusions.

  I've focused on neo-Aegea on this blog for some time now, but I'm not quite ready to give it a rest yet.  Today I'll provide a source from a set of popular songs.  Unlike last week's Martian song, this one may be originally a professional composition.  It should be easy to identify the cultural heritage that this song developed from, as it is another mutant of a song contemporary to you.  Additionally, it is a tribute to Civet, the famous storyteller whose work I've translated in the past.

  Always,

  Dr. John Skylar
  Chairman
  Department of Anachronism
  University of Constantinople

Oh, the shark, babe, has pretty teeth, dear
      And it shows them, pearly white.
      Just a Chesire-smile has old Civet, babe
      And he hides it, ah, in plain sight

When that shark bites, with his teeth, dear

      Scarlet billows, start to spread
      Fancy white lies, has Civet's tales, dear
      So you nevah, nevah know you've been conned

Now on the dock-ring, one sunny morning
    Crowds gather, oozin' cash.
    Someone's got them, in his palm dear
    Could he be...Civet the Storyteller?


A-there's a scaph-boat...down by the river dontcha know
    Where the tales flow from that old clown
    Oh that scaph's there, just to escape, dear
    Before long, 'ol Civet's, bum bum bum...leeeaaavin' town.


That's as far as my source goes.



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Sunday, September 13, 2009

Weekend Worlds: Jonas and the Metro, Part III

Dear Readers,

  Enjoy this final piece of Jonas and the Metro, translated by yours truly from the original neo-Aegean.

  When we last left the Engineer Jonas, his fellow bathyscaph metro passengers cast him into the waters in the metro tunnel.  From there, we continue.  Look for Parts I and II in the archives, or in the links.

  Always,

  Dr. John Skylar
  Chairman
  Department of Anachronism
  University of Constantintople

The journey out of the bathyscaph metro car plunged Jonas into a topsy-turvy world of tunnel seawater.  Buffeted from left to right, he got only the few minutes' air that an occaisional trip to airpockets at the tunnel ceiling offered him.

If he could have spoken, he might well have said, "Not only will I die, but I will be tortured!  I should never have doubted Athena!"

He struck his head against the ceiling, and descended into darkness with no knowledge whether he would ever return.  [this is a good point to request donations to hear the end of the story; attached to Jonas, your audience will now want to put in a few bits to see what happens to him here]

Jonas came to consciousness surrounded by selkies.  On land, the color and shape-changing creatures seemed more innocuous and innocent than he ever noticed before.  As his thoughts clambered through the fog to find coherence, he watched their young play and fight amongst each other.

"I'm in their nest," he spoke aloud.  The selkies would not care if he talked to himself.

Somehow, as the waters bounced him about, they deposited him in a selkie nest above the tunnel waterline.

"I can't believe it," Jonas said to himself again, and shook his head.

The selkies all turned to face him, and communally opened their mouths.

"Indeed, that is exactly the lesson we tried to teach you.  But you did not see it.  And so, we summoned our servants, these selkies, to save you from the water, so that you might see how we control this world."

Jonas sat dumbfounded, and then prostrated himself, "Athena?"

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Weekend Worlds: Jonas and the Metro, Part II

Dear Readers,

  Weekend Worlds gets taken over this week by neo-Aegea, since I was in the midst of telling you a story.  I've decided that this story is better told in three parts, however, and so below, you can find the middle of my translation.

  Always,

  Dr. John Skylar
  Chairman
  Department of Anachronism
  University of Constantinople



King :en:Sennacherib of :en:Assyria from http:...Image via Wikipedia


Jonas set off on his own to find the old Machinists' shop.  For the first half hour of his walke,d he cursed the Engineers of his home City and himself for his lack of preparation.  His bag contained provisions, augury and sacrificial equipment, all manner of texts, but no map.

The locals were kind enough to help, however.  They yelled helpful advice to him where ever he went.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Friday Seminar Series: Continuity, Part 3

Dear Readers,

  As per usual, your Friday brings my Friday Seminar, where I introduce your time stream to some of the material from my introductory Anachronism course, CHRN/AUG 100.  Last week I talked about dating and temporal arrangements, which followed up on an article from earlier in this "course" on continuity.

  This week's seminar will expand on those topics via some examples and discussion of the markers that we use to develop a temporal continuity.  My supplementary post on Augury might also be useful, if only to give you a background into the kinds of sources that I'll be talking about in the rest of this seminar.  I apologize in advance for the more philosophical parts of this installment.  Francis helped me prepare it, and he really likes that sort of thing.  I've tried to include links where I think they will be useful.


  Now, first I want to caution you about this.  In your time stream, much is made of scientific and statistical certainty.  The idea of your science is that data should have one significant interpretation and others that are less likely, and thereby theories get developed.  With Anachronism, it isn't so.  There is no way to piece together a chronology from Augury data with high certainty, because time streams can separate based on extremely rapid lynchpin events.

  Here's an example.  Let's say that I have a photograph that is dated 1939, and that in this photograph I see Luftwaffe fighter planes lined up on a runway.  I can make a lot of conclusions from the imagery, where I might see the Iron Cross on the plane's tail, or other identifying marks.  I can also conclude that Aviation was invented in the time stream where this image originated.

  But I can't say that in that time stream, the Wright Brothers invented airplanes in the early 20th century.  Now, it's going to be true that they did in a whole lot of time streams where there are serious warplanes by 1939, but I can't be totally sure.  What if another inventor beat them to it, but other events went in essentially the same fashion?  It's always a possibility, unless I find a picture of the Wright Brothers' successful flight test, or another source confirming it, inside the same chunk of Augury data.  Even if I found the photo shown below, I couldn't draw a conclusion with good certainty.  I'd have to see the plane.
Wright brothersImage via Wikipedia

  Therefore, conclusions that Anachronists make can be somewhat handwavy for the tastes of more strictly scientific philosophers.  It comes with the territory that we need to be a little more postmodern than our positivist or utilitarian time-normal counterparts.  We talk a lot more about likelihood, usefulness, and possibility than we do about necessarily observed fact.

  Now, that might make you think what we do is an art rather than a science, but that's not really true either.  The burden of backing up our assertions does still lie with us, and the argument must be coherent and logical.  Anachronists don't make emotional appeals, but reasoned arguments.

  With that first example down, I want to move on to something a little bit more practical to illustrate how I work.

Since I've just noted how frequently I make assertions that could easily be wrong, I think for this example I'll turn to your time stream's War on Terror.  I don't think your contemporaries know quite enough about it yet to determine for sure if any conclusions I make are right or wrong, and so my post will live in safety until more information is released.