The Academy for Cultural Guardians

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Dear Readers,

  In my research I have turned up a number of bizarre time streams, as you no doubt know.  This week, I've tried to focus on some of the stranger among them, at first the wolf-people, and now today a world where culture has taken on something of a life of its own.

  This is one of the odd time streams where the laws of physics are ever so slightly different, in ways somewhat too complicated to go into in detail here.  The bottom line is that culture has become something of a tangible and measurable thing.  I consider it to be something like the Ley Lines suggested by archaeologist Alfred Watkins in your own time stream.  Different cultures somehow converge around pathways of something that I think of as a sociological ether.  Consider it a sort of addition on to the laws of physics that you are used to.

  Horrible things can happen, however, when there are strange convergences of these cultural ley lines.  Across the world of this time stream, there are places where the smallest living thing can be transformed into a hideous monster.  Perhaps a wayward squirrel outside of Copenhagen could become the grand monster Grendel and terrify the countryside, all through the effect of this cultural ether.

  To combat this problem, the people of this time stream have instated a cultural exchange program.  This system ensures that at least there will be several people in every community who are able to rise to the challenge of the strange creatures that come out of the woods without balking when they meet their culture's greatest nightmares.

  But these cultural exchange students, "guardians," as they are called, must first be trained.  Below the jump is a primary source from one of the classes at their Academy for Cultural Guardians.

Always,

Dr. John Skylar
Chairman
Department of Anachronism
University of Constantinople


Daily Quiz: Introduction to Cultural Ether with Professor Ptahotep
Name: Berghard Marking, the Green

1.  Explain, in three sentences or less, the moral value of the cultural ether. 


The cultural ether brings monsters out of the woods and terrorizes our homes.  It is evil!  It must be slain, and this is my quest.  I shall be like Beowulf!


Berghard, this is four sentences.  Furthermore, it is wrong.  The cultural ether has no morality.  It is as likely to turn a forest creature into a goose that lays golden eggs as it is to turn the same creature into a dragon.  It is a force of nature, governed by whichever gods you believe in.  1 point of 10 for spirit.






2.  What are the five duties of a Cultural Paragon/Guardian?



A. Protect
B. Understand
C. Exchange
D. Fight
E. Respect

Well done, Berghard!  Horus Wotan would be proud. 10/10.

3.  Detail the major threat posed by "Cultural Nodes." Hint: define a "Cultural Node" in your answer.




A cultural node is a sorcerer who lives in the forest and turns the animals there into horrible monsters.  The monsters must be fought when they threaten the villagers.

I see now that I should not have used the sorcerer metaphor.  A cultural node is a place where the cultural ley lines converge and create a vortex that can convert ordinary life into mythological life.  The main threat, however, is that it can turn things into horrible monsters.  5/10 pts.

4.  What is the most important fact to remember when you are on assignment?

That you are never alone.  Your allies are there to face the challenges you cannot.

I would have preferred "to respect the cultures of the villagers and my allies and remember my own bias," but I admire your sentiment.  8/10 pts.

5.  How do you kill a cultureshifter?

The cultureshifter is the greatest creature that you can fight.  You must stab it in the still-beating heart even when it becomes what you love or fear the most, or as it changes between everything you have ever cared about.

Wrong.  No one can kill a cultureshifter.  Call the central command should you ever find one. 0/10 pts.